Color Me Grey
by fisherese
Summary: Six years of commitment. Three years without a word. One moment to relive it. One shot to make it right. In a monochromatic world of white and black, grey is our shade.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 _ **Carmilla**_

"You know you don't have to do this."

Lafontaine's face softened up as she stared at me. God, I so hate how her eyes pull apart all dishonesty in my veins. I stared at the crumpled paper in my hands. It took me seconds to realize that I was shaking. My world is shaking. My life is collapsing. I fixed the piece of invitation and read it again, this time, murmuring the words I never knew would come to life.

" _Please join us in celebrating the engagement of Laura Eileen Hollis and Nathan Clinton."_

"Carmilla, please."

"No LaF. I just—"

"I know."

A half smirk escaped my lips and I threw the paper on the floor. Just like how my heart got bruised and fell apart, the invitation hit the ground in a jiffy. I shook my head in disbelief. Three years without communication, three years without any word exchanged, and now my ex-girlfriend is getting married?

"Cupcake got me."

"You think this is a joke, Carmilla?"

"It's Lois Lane trying to pull a prank on me."

"Marriage is not a prank. It's a union of two souls in the sight of God—"

"Jesus, LaF, seriously?"

I stood at the edge of my bed and fixed the collar of the flannel I was wearing. There's no way their engagement would bother me. Three years had passed and those were enough to tell me that Laura's over me.

But am I over her?

I have to.

"I don't get her point. Three years without a word, three years after she left you hanging in Austria and now she's sending you an invitation to her engagement party? Laura's got to be kidding."

"Kidding's for a children's party, LaF."

"Yeah, that's where you're good at. Shrugging it off eventhough it kills you inside."

"She's moved on.", I replied.

Four years of friendship. Two years of love. Six years of commitment and all I get in the end is a stupid cream-coloured invitation from the only woman I took seriously in my whole life. Hell, I never knew it would hurt like this.

It's as if my system is shutting down. It's as if my lungs are running out of air. It's as if my throat can't open up. It's as if my blood has dried down in my veins.

It's been three years and still, it feels the same. The pain is the same.

"So you're coming?"

"Yes.", I said in return, not bothering to stare back at Lafontaine's questioning look.

"You're killing yourself Carmilla."

"Does it matter? I'm not even living anymore."

"Jesus, why do you have to be a philosophy major, you jerk."

I grinned at her words, but as soon as my eyes fell on the paper on the floor, the thin smile I was wearing vanished. I just couldn't fake it. Laura was too real. Everything felt so real I couldn't fake them.

Even if I know I have to.

"I still don't think it's a good idea to be there. I'm so gonna kill Hollis."

"If you're immune to bear sprays, you can."

"I told Perry about this. She thinks you shouldn't go. What would you do once you see her, huh? Linger around for more pain? She's getting married for fuck's sake, Carm."

Fuck Lafontaine.

Fuck her and her striking words.

"I'm her bestfriend, after all."

"Fine. Fine, go if you want but don't come back around getting all so broody. That's where you're good at."

"Laf."

Lafontaine was about to leave but stopped at my doorway when I called her name out. She looked at me with her usual concerned look. And I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel so powerless.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For sticking around with me."

"Anything, buddy."

With that, she left.

With that, I was alone again.


	2. Chapter 2 - It Comes Without Warning

Chapter 2

 **Laura**

I parked my car at the edge of the parking lot and turned it off. I'm at the airport now, off to pick up one of my old friends. Before I step out of my vehicle, I chewed on my fingers in anxiety. It keeps on creeping on my veins. It's been three years since I last saw all of them. And now I'm reconnecting to their lives by throwing my engagement party.

Yes, an engagement party. To Nathan, the love of my life.

That's what I choose to call him.

I'm not sure how many of them will show up tomorrow. Maybe one, maybe two, maybe none at all. I'm sure as hell that they're mad at me, at least some of them. I never gave out a single word for years and now I'm running back with a surprise.

I dug my own grave.

Sighing to myself, I stepped out of my car and went to the waiting area. Mississauga has never looked this good. The skies were warm orange with hues of red and pink. It reminded me of the sunsets _we_ used to watched in California.

Yes, _we._ Me and my past lover.

That's what I choose to call her.

I don't have any idea if Carmilla's gonna show up tomorrow. Maybe no. after everything I've done to her, three years without a word to say to each other, I know a part of her is mad at me. I wonder how she's doing right now.

Could she be fine? Hell, I guess. Maybe she loves someone else now. Maybe she's spending her nights wrapped up in someone else's arms. Maybe she's watching the sunset with someone else's eyes.

 _That's none of your business, you idiot._

The door of the arrival area opened and I watched intently with my own eyes for any sign of the giant of the squad. My sight didn't fail me. Hell, Danny's tall enough not to be seen anyway. I waved my hand and she spotted me right away. She walked over to me, dragging her bag next to her with a small smile on her lips.

"There you are, Laura Hollis."

"Yeah, it's good to see you."

"Don't you think that's too formal for the two of us?"

I chuckled a bit and circled my arms around her waist. It felt so good to smell a familiar scent, to hug a familiar body, to feel familiar warmth.

Hell, I missed this woman.

As soon as we broke the hug, I helped Danny with her luggage and went to my car. After she contacted me to tell me she's going to attend my engagement party, I couldn't keep the joy to myself. I felt relieved knowing that she's still up to communicating with me.

"Nice ride, Hollis."

"Hah, just got lucky."

"And rich."

We got inside my car and started to ride towards the place where I was staying with my father. I told Danny that she could stay with us until she comes back to Cali and she agreed to it.

During the ride, a comfortable silence fell between us. I turned on the radio and a smooth song played through the silence we're posing.

"How have you been?"

Danny was the first one to break it. I looked over her shortly and flashed a small smile.

"Fine, doing just fine. You?"

"Still the same, dear."

"You got taller, you idiot."

"I didn't. You're just too short, that's why."

I was dying to apologize to her. After all, Danny's my closest friend, well… next to Carmilla who was my lover and best friend. I've left without a word and stayed silent for three years. I owe her an apology, for sure.

"I'm sorry.", I blurted.

"For what?"

"For disappearing like Sherlock."

"Jesus, you're still obsessed with him?", Danny said and laughed.

"You jerk, but seriously though. I am sorry. I know maybe some of you guys felt bad and have grown mad at me for leaving without telling you all but… it just had to happen."

Danny reached out for my hand and squeezed it to reassure me something. She heaved a sigh, not the irritated one, but more on the relieved side of things.

"Yeah, you've got a lot of explaining to do."

"I'm really sorry."

"Oh c'mon, stop saying sorry. I won't promise you that it's fine for everyone of us. We were shocked when we heard that you left but other than that, well at least for me, I know you had your reason.", she explained.

"Still, I should've made things clear before I left."

"Just like what you said, it had to happen."

I felt relief rushing down through my senses. I gripped tightly on the steering wheel as we were nearing our destination.

"You've got a great neighbourhood."

"Yeah, Mississauga never failed to amaze me."

"You have to take me around, Hollis."

"Will surely do."

It was Danny's turn to sigh again. She was playing with the hem of her shirt and was looking down. She seemed to be contemplating and so I waited for her to speak.

"Everyone misses you, you know that, right?"

"I know."

"They're doing good but… your departure left _some_ of us hanging."

With the blurting of the word some, I knew exactly the person she was referring to.

"Perry got a little mad. You know how she deals with things like this but I think time worked and she's trying to shrug it off."

"It's good to hear that."

"You're not going to ask about Carmilla?"

That shook my world.

Just one mention of her name and I found myself gasping for air. She always had this effect on me. I can always feel her around me. When Nathan kisses me, I taste her lips. When Nathan makes love with me, I feel her skin.

But no. I love Nathan and Carmilla and I are over.

I have to stick with that thought because it has to be this way.

"How is she?"

"I don't know. It's not like she changed after you left but she's been aloof to the group eversince."

"She's always been aloof and broody."

"It's different this time.", Danny said.

I stopped the car just right in front of our house. I chose not to honk first so Danny and I could talk a little more.

"Is she going?", I asked.

Honestly, I don't expect Carmilla to show up. My departure left her broken and bruised and I don't have the right to expect her to come and see me about to tie the knot with someone else. But I invited her anyway. She's still my bestfriend and I've been dying to see her.

If only choices were done right.

"I don't know. LaF and Perry think it's a bad idea to show up but you know Carmilla. She's capable of making surprise appearances."

"I just— I want to see her, you know."

"I know. But I'm afraid you'll break her again. We're friends Laura but, Carmilla's grown to be my friend, too. It'll hurt to see her shrug this whole thing off."

"Does she have a—"

"Someone else? I don't know. Maybe yes. Maybe you're not the only one who is trying to prove to the world that you've moved on."

There was a small bite in her voice but I didn't mind it. I have no right to get hurt for I left all of them broken when I chose to leave California. Maybe I deserve this spite from Danny. Maybe I deserve to hear it.

"I've moved on, Danny.", I said.

Danny flashed a small smile at me and nodded meekly. Her eyes wandered around the neighbourhood and puffed out some breath.

"The sunset.", she spoke.

"What about it?"

"You chose this neighbourhood because of the view, didn't you? You've always loved the sunset."

"Yes. I've always loved it.", I answered.

"Yeah, you _and Carmilla_."

Yes.

Sunsets have always been more beautiful when I'm watching it with her.


End file.
